October 5, 2004
Good morning MB:
I picked Moonbeam because it was the opposite of Sunshine (which you called me). I just abbreviated today. I’m still trying to see if it fits you or not. I’ll try and answer some of your questions from your e-mail.
It has been at least six months since I read “Good in Bed.” I enjoyed it although I can’t say I liked the ending. I could relate to Cannie quite a bit. I thought it was interesting on how she decided to take things into her own hands and not let everyone “dictate” her life. I agree about how society looks at larger women and how they are treated. Remind me to tell you a story of an incident in Giant (grocery store) one day a few years ago. It left a bad taste in my mouth, but it also got me thinking about a lot of things.
I think the week away may be good for you to work through your thoughts and feelings and come back to Pennsylvania ready to work through more of your past and pain. I know it isn’t easy, but you are not alone and I know it can free you from so much.
I never took it personally what you said about not wanting to talk to me sometimes. I know that my friendship can challenge you to talk and feel things you might not like, but I also know that God allowed our lives to cross for a reason. So don’t worry about me taking that personally. I didn’t.
Guess what? I read “The Search for Significance” many years ago. I can’t say I remember everything, but I can recall some of the things in the book. I probably need to go back and look at it again to trigger my thoughts on it. I hope it can be helpful for you. Maybe we can talk about how it affected you when you get back.
I’m glad you are able to enjoy some of your time with Alex and your parents. I know that it can be difficult for you, but just let things roll off your back and try and enjoy the scenery and God’s incredible gift of nature. As for the swimming, I know why you didn’t go, but you know it’s one of the best exercises you can do for yourself. So don’t let your image of yourself keep you from doing something you love.
You look in a mirror and see something you don’t like. I look in a mirror and see beyond your physical appearance and see your heart. God gave me that gift. I hope that one day you can see beyond the physical and see what God and I see. You are an incredibly gifted woman that has a lot of pain and anger in her heart, but I also know that you have love and joy as well. It just gets covered up sometimes. Don’t let love get lost in there. It can be a lonely place without love. Love from others, love from God, and love from yourself.
Well, I’m sure this letter is getting long now. Enjoy the beach. I’m jealous! It’s my favorite place to be, but not during the summer, more fall and winter. Take time to stop and hear what God is trying to show you and tell you this week. You don’t have the distractions of everyday.
Take care of yourself, my friend.