Maybe This is How It Is Between Husband and Wife

Alex went in the bedroom to get dressed, pulling on jeans and a button-down plaid shirt. It didn’t take him long to get ready as he had no hair to contend with and showers were only five minutes tops. He was a roll-out-of-bed and go kind of guy and he was quite content with it. Shaving was the only concession he usually made since he would end up a wooly mammoth in two days if he didn’t keep it under control. It was bad enough he had to shave his back and chest hair so it didn’t pop out of his shirt. He glanced back at the bed. I was still curled up in a ball. He shook his head, wondering if he should even bother me.

“Alex? I don’t feel so well,” I mumbled. I looked at him through pain glazed eyes. Alex walked over and put his hand on my forehead.

“You don’t feel like you have a fever. What’s wrong?” Alex brushed my bangs aside gently as he felt my forehead.

“My lower back and stomach are killing me. I can barely move my legs and I’m bleeding like a stuck pig,” I whimpered as I cradled my stomach. “I think there’s something wrong.”

“Maybe you should go to the doctor?” Alex eyed me skeptically.

“I probably should. Will you call and schedule the appointment with Dr. Lee? Can you take me? I don’t think I can drive.” I attempted to push myself up in bed, but another gut-wrenching convulsion sliced through my lower back. “Ooohhhhhh!” I cried as I fell back in bed.

“Can’t your mom or dad take you? Is there someone else you can call? I have to work. You know how important it is that I be there. I can’t afford another day off to go to the doctor with you.” Alex huffed and straightened up. He knew there was no way he was missing another day of work to go the doctor again. He had already missed a few days because of the fertility tests and consultations. I would just have to do it without him.

“Come on, Kat. Maybe you’re just having a bad period. It can’t be as bad as you’re acting. I’ve got to go. You’re going to have to do this without me.” Alex rolled his eyes and went out to the kitchen, packed his lunch and got ready to leave for work.

I laid there, silent tears leaving a silver trail down my cheeks, feeling incredibly alone. I couldn’t believe that Alex would just walk away like that from me. Didn’t he love me anymore? Didn’t he care? Couldn’t he see I was in so much pain? I heard the front door slam shut and the car drive away, leaving me abandoned on the bed.

Maybe I deserved it. Maybe this was how it was supposed to be between a husband and wife. I scrabbled for the cell phone on the end table, knocking off a book in the process. Nittany, the three-year-old grey tiger cat, took off running from the bedroom, startled by the loud thud. I made an appointment with Dr. Lee at 2:00pm. I dropped the phone over the side of the bed, curled up into a ball, and tried to fall back asleep. I hoped the crushing pain would ease as I sobbed quietly into the pillow.

4 responses to “Maybe This is How It Is Between Husband and Wife

  • Alyssa

    You are an amazing writer, and while I’m heartbroken for you about what this post is about, I found myself wishing there was more to read.

    • Kat

      Thank you for kind comment! There will be more to read, so don’t worry. 🙂 I try to write at least 5 out of 7 days a week on this blog. Each day brings something new. It is a heartbreaking story, but there is grace and hope in the end.

  • Nyssa

    Wow. That reminds of the time an emotionally abusive ex-fiance (or as we considered it, “spiritual husband”) and his brother/brother’s fiancee considered me a party pooper for knocking my head on a fair ride, getting a concussion and a nasty headache, wanting to go home, not wanting to go dancing that evening, and wanting my fiance/”spiritual husband” to take care of me. !! They even blamed me for knocking my head. And a miscarriage is far worse than a mild concussion. The anguish you must have been going through….Just the thought of you being incapacitated and having to get yourself to the doctor–It makes me angry! What is it with the emotional abusers treating you like you’re just being a drama queen when you’re in a lot of pain and need his help?

    • Kat

      Hi Nyssa, Thanks for your thoughtful comment. Emotional abuse is a sneaky creature. It’s like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim’s self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of “guidance,” “teaching,” or “advice,” the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value. Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be far deeper and more lasting than physical ones. And unfortunately, it’s the hardest form of abuse to “prove.” They always think it’s your fault, rather than take any responsibility of their own.

      I’m so sorry you had to experience that! I hope things are better now and that you’ve found a much better mate.

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