This is a true story of how I thought I was “the good wife” and had the white-picket-fence fairytale-marriage, only to discover, through heartache and blistering pain, that I lost who I was under the shadow of expectations.
We all create expectations for ourselves. It is a basic human trait to project our desires and thoughts onto those who we are closest to. We tend to expect significant people in our lives to behave in a manner envisioned in our mind.
How many times have your feelings been hurt because you mistakenly assumed someone else knew what you thought or expected?
Do you ever become annoyed or angry with someone who acted differently than you expected?
Have you found yourself saying:
“If you really loved me, you would…”
“Why didn‟t you…”
When an individual has a strong desire that their partner meet their impossible expectations they become blinded to who their partner really is. Even if the partner tries to meet the expectations, it will never be exactly what their partner wants. This is because expectations in relationships are most often unattainable. We all have a preconceived notion of what we want in our ideal mate, and this is how expectations are conceived. When someone harbors unclear or unspoken expectations, then they are likely going to surface at some point.
We cleverly develop a tunnel vision where we only allow through information that supports the view we have of who we want that person to be. The truth is, people show us exactly who they are through their everyday behaviors. When we choose to break the illusion and replace assumptions with a truthful evaluation, freedom from expectation is carried with it. Only then, is a more authentic and honest relationship born!
The story that follows is one of immense heartbreak, emotional damage, destroyed relationships, and deeply wounding loss. Yet, there is redemption, healing, and love to be found in the most unlikely of places…Walk with me on my journey through redemption and grace as I found a voice and am no longer the silent, “good wife.”
Want to follow the story in order?
Start Here: I Was The Good Wife