Tag Archives: good in bed

I Only Want What’s Best For You

 

 

October 5, 2004

Hi MB,

Let me answer some of your questions from your morning e-mail.

I didn’t like the ending of “Good in Bed” because it ended so quickly. I guess I wanted more for her than how it ended.

“Lovely Bones” was hard for me because it dealt with rape and a child was murdered. I am a big advocate for protecting children. I did like the dialogue of how she saw her family and how she wanted to help them heal from her death.

Based on what you shared in your e-mail, I’m not sure severe sexual harassment is the correct term. Either way it doesn’t matter because it was still a horrible experience. I would like to have you tell me the whole story if you can. I would feel privileged to have you share it with me.

I hope that our friendship can help you see what it is God sees in you. I hope I can be used by God to help heal some of your pain. I want you to experience the joy and love that God has to offer and no the dark and depressed stuff the world has given you.

Don’t worry about me. I’m a big girl. I just have bad days now and then and sometimes I can’t hide them from you.

Do you think Alex might let you get away for a weekend? I have though about something for the two of us. I think it would be good for both of us. I’ll tell you more when you get back to Pennsylvania.

Before I go, I just read and printed your list. It brought tears to my eyes. It also reminded me of some of the things I told myself, so let’s talk more about it. My feelings and thoughts for you haven’t changed because of the list. If anything they have gotten deeper.

Greta

*****************

Later that same day

Hi,

I just realized that I may have been a little more serious in my last e-mail. My intentions are not to get you to do all this thinking while you are away. I also know it isn’t easy when you can’t talk through some of the things you might be thinking about.

So if you want to go to lighter subjects until you get home, that is fine with me. But I know how much you like to write how you are feeling and thinking. If you want to e-mail me your thoughts and feelings and not have me reply, then just let me know. I hope this is making sense. If not, I am sorry. I don’t want to cause any more emotional upheaval, especially when we can’t through it because you are not here.

Kat, I only want what is best for you. Can you tell the hormones from the cancer treatment have kicked in big time? I get very emotional when that happens, so please bear with me. At least it is better than me getting cranky.

Well, I better wrap things up and get home to dig up my garden. We are expecting frost tonight and my tomatoes are rotting on the vines because of all the rain.

Until I hear from you…good night, Moonbeam.

Greta

 

 

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One Day I’ll Be Free

October 5, 2004

Good morning Sunny!

Moonbeam is different, but I like it. So are you saying that I am the opposite of sunshine? (just kidding) My favorite song from Jeremy Camp just played on the radio. “I will walk by faith, even when I cannot see….”

You got serious on me this morning in your e-mail! You must be in a thoughtful, contemplative mood today. Of course, I’m usually silly when I should be serious. A way of distraction, I suppose.

Why didn’t you like the ending of “Good in Bed?” What bothered you about it? I think the ending was anticlimactic. I was bothered by her blaming and pushing aside God at the end. She took matters into her own hands. I started reading “Lovely Bones” last night. Interesting way that it is written. Takes a little getting used to. Well, I can tell you this much, that I was never raped. I’m sure I could have been with some of the stupid situations I’ve put myself in before, but I was never raped, if that’s what you’re thinking. Things were done to me sexually and I was forced to do sexual things to others, but it was never that severe. Just enough to make me feel ashamed and embarrassed. Maybe call it severe sexual harassment. That’s why I asked you that question the other day. I was trying to clarify some things in my head and I’m still not totally clear, but it’s irrelevant. Anyways, I don’t like talking about this. I’ve never talked about it before to anyone and I don’t know that I want to start.

So, moving on…It’s great when I have moments to myself while I’m here at Myrtle Beach. Right now, I’m by myself in the condo living room writing this e-mail and listening to Christian radio. Alex is on the balcony talking to his parents on the phone. My parents are at the pool and hot tub. Gives me time to just think and relax. I wish we were closer to the ocean, though. Last year, when Alex and I were here with his parents, our condo was right on the beach. You could sit on our balcony and overlook the ocean. It was wonderful! I love the ocean, too, but I hate swimming in it. I’d rather just be near it to hear and see it. We might go down to the beach today. They talked about it. We’ll see. I’ll make sure to take some pictures for you. I have some from last year that came out really beautiful with the sun glinting off the gentle waves. I’ll have to bring them to work so you can see them. One of my goals this week was to sit and absorb, to just “be” in the presence of God and allow Him to speak to me, to try and hear things He’s telling me. But I have to balance that with spending time with Alex and the family. They get weird if I spend too much time on my own if I get too quiet.

I’m trying my hardest to see what you, God, and Alex see in me. I really am. But sometimes, okay, a lot of times, it gets very clouded by the anger and pain. I do believe (or at least I’m trying to) that God is going to free me and one day I’ll see myself in different eyes. That is my hope and prayer. I have a self-defeatist attitude sometimes where I feel that I’ve been like this for too long, that I’m not ever going to change so why bother trying, but I’m trying to fight that belief. I know that’s not what God wants for me. I want to experience the things in life that God has for me. I’m tired of always looking through a glass wall and can’t seem to feel the joy and love He has for me.

I hope you got to sleep last night. I was really worried about you when I got off the phone with you. I meant what I said…I don’t take vacations from my friends. Not to get all mushy or anything, but I thank God every day that He brought us together. I’ve prayed many long times for a friend like you. It was funny. I was looking through some old journals of mine and came across a list that I made of things that I was looking for in a friend that God needed to bring to me. It made me smile and think of you.

Well, I need to get going. Everyone’s back and getting itchy to do something. I have no idea what, but we’ll see! Tonight we go to the Dixie Stampede. I’ll let you know what it’s like. Talk to you later and take care of yourself, sunshine.

Kat

 


Good in Bed

October 4, 2004

Greta,

Moonbeam? That’s an interesting nickname. What made you choose that? Never been called that before.

I got your voicemail. Sorry I missed your call. I was writing you an e-mail and my phone was in the other room. Plus, reception in the condo isn’t always the greatest depending on what room I’m in. You miss me? I’m touched. Believe it or not, I miss you, too (if you haven’t gathered by the lengthy and numerous e-mails and text messages).

I’m happy you had a good weekend with your mom. Don’t put off telling her about your cancer too long, Greta. Sometimes that causes more harm than good. Glad you could celebrate her birthday with her. I’m sure that made her day. Did you bake No-Bake’s? If so, eat one for me. Although, I’ve gotten pumpkin pie while I’ve been here. I convinced my mom to buy one to have at the condo since they harassed me about getting a slice for breakfast on Saturday morning. I was craving pumpkin pie…one of my favorites!

I didn’t get too many comments about the book, “Good In Bed,” from the peanut gallery, just Alex being his usual silly self. My mom did ask what it was about so I gave her a brief rundown based on what I read off the back of the book. My thoughts on the book…it was like looking into a window into myself. Not all of it, but the way that Cannie feels about herself. I could definitely relate. The whole “larger woman” thing is something that rankles me. I think it speaks to the pain and aloneness of not fitting in that a lot of larger woman can feel. I know some that have incredible confidence and amazing positive attitudes. I admire that. I admired it in Cannie, her strength, independence, and willingness to speak out for herself and others despite how she felt sometimes. Her humor had me in stitches! I love sarcastic humor. What were your thoughts about the book?

My e-mails this week will probably be long since I don’t see you in person to chat and there isn’t anyone here I can talk with the way I talk with you. I can with Alex, but only so much. There are some topics where his eyes glaze over and I can tell he’s not interested…guys, ha.

Sounds like you’ll have a pretty quiet week. I won’t be there to bug you. That reminds me, the comment that I made on the phone the one night about not wanting to talk to you sometimes, I hope you didn’t take that seriously. I don’t feel that way ever. Do I wish sometimes that I could bury my head in the sand instead of facing questions you ask? Of course, but it’s never that I don’t want to be with you or talk with you. I wanted to make that clear. I was worried about that since that conversation.

I’m reading another book as a devotional. I’m trying to do devotions every day. I don’t always make it, but I’m trying. I need to hear God’s voice and see what He has for me in this life and I know I can’t do that without spending time with Him. The book I’m reading is called “Search for Significance” by Robert McGee. Very difficult to read, not because of the reading level, but because of the subject matter.

So why was I on your mind a lot yesterday at church? Anything cause it? Thanks for praying for me. I’m sure it did help since I remained civilized all day (despite some snippiness) and had to let certain things just roll of my back. I’m discovering more and more that’s getting harder to do. Interesting that you were praying for me as I was praying for you!

You should have seen Alex and I last night. We were both loopy. I was so tired that I was giggly and babbling stupidly. He was just being goofy. I get like that when I’m tired.

Anyways, I’ll talk to you later. Have a super duper night.

Love,

Kat